Shtopping: Day 49

Okay, I'll admit it:  there were a few days during this last stretch of the Shtopping experiment that I was a little pissed to be doing it.  I really, really wanted to go buy myself something sparkly and new. In particular there was a day where I spent literally the whole day wrapping presents for everyone else and then used a fairly stern voice to remind E. that there were not yet any presents under the tree for me and that this was not okay.  He correctly interpreted my tone, I think, and went out shopping immediately.

I was not particularly proud of this manifestation of the self-deprivation part of Shtopping, to be honest.  I'm supposed to be appreciating other parts of my life and discovering myself and everything, not demanding gifts from my loved ones.  I'm supposed to be finding other ways to satisfy my cravings.

Instead I just want some sparkly earrings.

In fact, the words "sparkly" and "glittery" and "light" kept running through my head over and over again these last few weeks.

Hmmm.

Lightbulb, meet the space over my head.

It occurred to me that 1) it has been dark and rainy here in Boise.  Like, super dark and rainy.  There were a few days this week where I actually walked out of the house and shook my fist at the clouds, Mr. Wilson-style.  It has been like living in Seattle, and while I know many of you adore Seattle, I have always said I could never ever live there because I would get the blues from all the damned rain all the time.  Living in Denver, on the other hand, was great because they had approximately 364 days of sunshine per year, so even though you might get four feet of snow in a six-hour period, it would be sunny the next day and you'd get enough Vitamin D while shoveling snow to float your boat for a while.

In Boise, though, while the sun peeked out a few times today, I really can't remember the last truly sunny day we had.  I miss it, the sun, on a deep cellular level.  Realization one.

2)  Maybe my desire for sparkly, glittery, lit-up new things is really some weird manifestation of some season-inspired blues?  Maybe I literally need some light, now that we live in the North?  I mean, I love sleeping nine or ten hours as much as the next guy, and it can be interesting to have fewer hours of daylight every day than I'm used to.  But feeling sleepy and a little blue and want-y is maybe not just about wanting to shop and more about needing some sun.

Also, as an aside, it is interesting to think about whether some of the grumpier feelings I have about my childhood can be connected to the long periods of darkness, which were alleviated when I moved to a) Southern France and then b) Southern California and then c) Denver.  Sorry, mom and dad.  I thought my childhood angst was all about you.  But maybe I just needed some sunlight!

3)  Even though E. and I felt sleepy and uninspired yesterday, we painted our dim, beige dining room a bright, yellowy cream.  I rearranged and cleared out some clutter and the room feels much brighter and happier.  We all want to be in there now.  Maybe if I wake up some time in the next week we might do another room!

Or I might take another nap.  Who knows.

So, all of this is a long way of explaining that I broke my Shtopping pact to purchase one thing:  a sun lamp from Amazon.  My brother told me when we moved here that he uses one in the winter months, and though I would have preferred not to make any major purchases until the experiment was over, the purpose of Shtopping is to not fill emotional needs unconsciously with purchasing.  The sun lamp purchase, instead, was a conscious choice to address some real feelings in a productive way, and since I can tend toward feeling a little sad sometimes, I figure it couldn't hurt to try.  I feel okay about breaking the rules in this way (just like I feel okay that I had to buy a new bra a few weeks back since the elastic went out on the old one.  Nobody needs my lady fruit roll-ups flapping in the breeze, right?).  But there weren't any extras in the cart, no piling on, no checking out, and I got it on sale.  And I guess that's the point--to buy things on purpose and while present.

I'll let you know next time how my sunning goes :).