I'm feeling a little embarrassed (bare-assed) and ashamed, so I'll just come out and say it: I fell off the Shtopping wagon. Big time.
Remember how I have that trip to Thailand coming up? Well, I needed to purchase a few things for the trip. These were legitimate expenditures, covered under the Shtopping "deal" I made with myself at the beginning of this thing, you might remember. I didn't buy anything unnecessary--some quick-dry pants, some packing gizmos, travel size toiletries--and I shopped around and found good deals. I was careful.
But shopping around to find good deals meant that I went into an actual store, namely Sierra Trading Post.
For someone whose spending type is "bargain shopper" and whose fashion choices might be described as "hiker-chic," that particular store is like a crack-den.
See, my obsessive brain has been thinking a lot about how I've been needing a winter coat. I have my thin little Eddie Bauer down coat, which I've had for years, and is one of my favorite coats, but is really only good for fall nights and spring mornings, chill-factor-wise. It has no hood and doesn't cover my butt. I've also have a "fancy" gray wool coat for work (though it had snaps on the front, which all of a sudden started popping open recently, and it had no hood and was not waterproof). Both nice, lovely coats. But not really, um, warm. And maybe showing their age a bit. Still serviceable, but aging.
[Yes, I also have some jackets, but that's not what we're talking about here. Shut up, E.!]
Also, as I've been noting relentlessly, it's been cold and gray here (can it be colder than Denver was? What the hell? Why does it feel colder?). Also, I spend a fair amount of time walking outside--taking the kids to school, walking to the store or the coffee shop, etc. I'm so glad for this. But it means I spend a lot of time feeling cold. Which kind of sucks. It's hard to make friends with a long, dark winter, when you feel like you're in mortal danger every time you step outside.
I kid. Clearly I was not freezing to death. At no time did I look at my blue fingers and say, oh boy, these things are literally about to fall off my hand. At no time did I shiver myself into unexpected weight loss. At no time did I vomit from the cold.
I was making do, in fact. I had taken to doubling up the coats, and with a scarf and hat, I was reasonably warm. I wasn't wearing a sleeping bag around as clothing or anything. I wanted to, but I didn't.
But still. Meh. I knew I needed a winter coat.
But I also wanted to wait until Shtopping was over. I wasn't actively looking for a coat. I was going to wait. And then maybe go to the thrift store and find one there, like usual.
But then Sierra Trading Post.
And then: I bought two coats.
FML.
Also, a few days later, three work-out tops (a few bucks each at Old Navy, but still). And a pair of boots.
And maybe a few tops.
FMLx2.
Again: when I go for it, I go for it.
I can justify each of these purchases.
[Well, I can't justify coat #2. I don't need two winter coats. Really. Although, can I say? I put that shit on and I feel like Macklemore at the County Fair. DAMMMMMMN, girl. Such pleasure in a warm coat or two, I gotta say].
I work out six days a week, so workout tops come and go like kleenex around here. Same with boots: I wear the same pair all winter, pretty much everyday, and my old ones were starting to hurt my feet. My shoulders and biceps have doubled in size because Crossfit, and I've blown out three of my old blouses (yes, like the hulk). So I replaced them.
All will be used, all were filling a need.
Plus, not all happened on the same day. I wasn't in some retail-induced haze. I thought long and hard about them, found good deals, and then spent the money. Some of my worst habits have not returned: online shopping, stalking Groupon, mindlessly wandering through Target putting shit I don't need in my cart. Maybe I'm just an addict fooling herself, but I don't ever want to go back to doing that stuff, and I don't think I will.
Still, I don't like that I violated Shtopping, and I'm a little nervous that I violated the rules of the experiment right before a big expensive trip to Southeast Asia. Suze Orman would have a fit.
The point is I can always justify purchases, but we are on a budget, and I want to do better for myself and my family, and so I always need to be thinking about 1) whether I have the money to buy something and 2) what it really means to need a purchase. I always need to take my time, check in with myself, and be honest about what I'm doing.
I suck at all these things. Also, being nice to myself when I screw up. Working on that.
So: back on the wagon.
In a week and a half I get on the plane for Thailand, with one wee rollie-suitcase and a backpack, for ten days. I'll be taking my Eddie Bauer coat, by the way--it's cold in the northern mountains of Thailand! I donated the one with the crappy snaps--you're welcome to whoever gets that guy next. I have a feeling that I'll be thinking about materialism a bit while I'm there, because only brain-dead Americans don't reflect on the absurdity of our way of life, at least a little bit, when they travel.
I'll do a final post on this whole shebang, with some lessons learned, when I get back. In the meantime, stay warm, my friends. I know I will.
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